What do I know about marriage? I haven't had a good example of what a functional marriage looks like. I mean, I've seen my parents and their mess...oh what a mess it was. My father's parents...divorced. My uncles...divorced bitterly. Then I see Scott's parents, suburban and bored to death. (Maybe just boring to me - I don't know) I see Scott's sister having a baby (the next logical step). My sister and her kids (going through the motions)
What is the price that I have to pay to be married and still be who I am? What does self expression cost when you are in a marriage? I feel like marriage is an anchor that keeps you in harbor, keeps you safe and grounded, but still...keeps you back. I know it doesn't have to be this way. I know in my head that Scott will support me in everything I do...but will it be me always holding back, looking back, and thinking about how he would think or feel about everything I do? I don't know.
I love him, I really do. I just wish I had a guarantee that he will always respect my need for freedom. A guarantree that he will always accept my creativity and let me loose with it. I guess there are no guarantees in life.
No comments:
Post a Comment