Cultivating A Gut Feeling

They say that as you get older you come to trust yourself more. Instinctively, you just know when something isn't right - you go with your gut. You just know when the decisions that you make feel right or wrong. It becomes easier and faster to make decisions because you've practiced this for a lifetime and because you know yourself better, accept your limitations...

I'm not sure I believe that. I feel like it was easier to make decisions when I was younger. Maybe it's because the choices were easier to make, less life altering,  or there were less things to choose from. I didn't think about consequences quite as much either. I was flying by the seat of my pants for a long time...maybe I should have thought things through more.  But I did what I did. Maybe the decisions I made were for the best and I just don't know it yet.


Here's what I know for sure in my gut:

I will  never teach in a classroom. I know in my whole being that it is not for me. No matter how many people try to push me in this direction I just know I am not meant for the profession. My mind needs peace to function and being pulled this way and that in a classroom won't give me that peace - it will be the exact opposite. I've tried to make myself love it. Square peg, round hole.

Who knows what I will use my education for. There is a scene in Jane Eyre where Jane is asked to teach in a village school. The town minister asks her to teach the simple peasant girls but warns her that she will be wasting her mind, and that her talents and knowledge won't be used at the school and that she is to teach the children the basics. Jane tells him that her knowledge won't be wasted. She will "put it away until it is needed." This gives me some peace in my heart. Who knows what will happen? Who knows what I will need to know to survive?

I'm trying really hard to cultivate and follow gut feelings in my life. My problem is that I see the good and the possibilities in every situation and I overthink it to death. I'm trying to put aside this balancing act and just focus on my gut feelings and do what feels right. It's really difficult.

Did anyone out there ever go against their gut and it turned out good? I don't think I've ever heard of this happening.

Here is my song for today. I know, I know...Katy Perry. But it fits my mood so well. This is my head on a daily basis.