Selfish

I feel like I've wasted a lot of time doing things that make other people happy...and I'm done with that shit. I'm going to be a selfish bitch and do what I want.

Example? Grad School. I got a teaching degree because I was told that I was "good with kids and it would be a great job, great benies, summers off, etc." I hate teaching. It's a lot of work, exhausting work...and it sucks the life out of you until you become a robot. That was my feeling anyway. But yes, yes it was no one's fault but my own. I could have just studied graphic design and said fuck it to everyone else but I didn't. Stupid stupid!

But now? as I sit at my desk at my boring office job and feel reckless and the pull of regret all at the same time I'm reminded that it's never too late. Grandma Moses didn't start painting until she was like 80 years old and at 27, it's not too late for me to become a graphic designer. And God dammit, I have talent that cuts right through my wasted years.

If I don't let myself be happy now, when?